One of the toughest areas in the lives of many transgender people is the whole concept of dating. Like everyone else, we seek to have a special someone in our lives to share our lives with, both the good and bad parts. For many of us, this is a very challenging quest while others are just lucky or really good at dating or perhaps a combination of both. In my case, I am attracted to cis (non transgender) women. There are not a great deal of cis women attracted to transgender women. One of the exceptions is the pansexual identified woman and there are not many of them around. These elusive creatures of legend have become my Holy Grail of dating.
First off, I should preface by saying that a pansexual is a person who is willing to date any other person regardless of sex or gender. This is a huge point because the gender part tends to be a deal breaker in many cases. A lot of women who identify as gay will exclude transgender women as partners. Some will even go to the extreme of denying transgender women their status as women. In their mind, these people are not ‘real’ women and to get involved with one of them would jeopardize their status as a gay woman. In, hopefully, the majority of cases, they simply are not attracted to transgender people but still view them as ‘real’ women. I can relate to this somewhat as I am not attracted to transgender women. I wish I were, as that would make getting a date easier.
Finding a pansexual woman is by no definition an easy task. Pansexuals don’t often advertise the fact that they are pan and gaydar seems absolutely useless for detecting them. Location can actually be everything when it comes to looking for a pansexual. There will be much better odds of finding one in a big city. The small city I live in is not very good for this sort of thing. It is sad, but true, that if I ever hope to date again, I could be forced to move to a bigger city. I am not ready to throw that towel in just yet as there is still a chance that I can find someone using Internet dating sites.
Online dating can be an exercise in frustration as there are a lot of trolls lurking around who have nothing better to do than to harass transgender girls or ‘catfish’ them. Catfishing is when someone leads you on while pretending to be someone else and it is often to hurt you. Personally, I will try to avoid sites that do not let me specify that I am trans as I am a firm believer in being open from the start. Mind you, it does filter out a lot of the attention I could get when people don’t know. However, I want something lasting and long-term so I am okay with less attention, as all I really need is the attention of my cute pansexual soon to be dating a Mountain girl. It may take a while but I can be patient.
For now, dating is still just a dream and someday it will happen or it won’t. I am pretty realistic with the fact that I may have gone on my last date. It is a tough world for everyone when it comes to finding love and even more so when you are transgender and are attracted to a very limited few. The heart wants what the heart wants and I am in a sad way kind of okay with that. I really do hope that she is out there so that I can change how I think about all of this and maybe then I can be a fan of love again.